Funny Clean Jokes are usually free from profanity or offensive language, making them even more appealing to people who want to keep their conversations light yet entertaining. They provide us with a moment of joy and relaxation, and they can be shared with friends and family to spread some cheer.
Here we’ve compiled the list of 200+ Bad Jokes that is the perfect source to spread laughter and joy. So scroll down and see what we’ve got you covered.
Bad Jokes
1. How do prisoners communicate with one another?
Cell phones.
2. What should a sick bird do?
Get tweetment.
3. What does a nosy pepper do?
It gets jalapeno business.
4. Why can’t wildcats take tests?
There are too many cheetahs.
5. What’s the best name for a man who can’t stand?
Neil.
6. What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
7. How many tickles can an octopus take?
Tentacles.
8. Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
9. Did you know the first French fries weren’t cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
10. What’s the action like at a circus?
In-tents.
11. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Fo’ drizzle.
12. How does your feline shop?
By reading a catalogue.
13. If you’re American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
14. What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek?
You crack me up.
15. Where do skunks pray?
In pews.
16. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
Poor guy really needed some space.
17. How do you organize an astronomer’s party?
You planet.
18. What do you call an Italian astronaut?
A specimen.
19. What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
“Oops.”
20. What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes?
Sneakers.
21. What do you call a person with a briefcase in a tree?
A branch manager.
22. What did Blackbeard the pirate say when he turned eighty?
“Aye, matey.”
23. Why are there gates around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
24. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies.
25. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be called bagels.
26. What shivers at the bottom of the ocean?
A nervous wreck.
27. Why did the coffee call the police?
It got mugged.
28. How can you make seven an even number?
Just take away the “s”.
29. What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
30. What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?
Wasa-B.
31. Why can’t a hand be 12 inches long?
Because then it’d be a foot.
32. Do you want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind. It’s tearable.
33. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?
It gets toad.
34. Why did Cyclops close his school?
He only had one pupil.
35. What did one bean say to the other?
How you bean?
36. Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk.
37. What did the finger say to the thumb?
I’m in glove with you.
38. What do you call a factory that sells generally decent goods?
A satisfactory.
39. What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
40. Why can’t wildcats take tests?
There are too many cheetahs.
41. What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park in it, man.
42. What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick?
Put it on my bill.
43. I used to hate facial hair… but then it grew on me.
44. What’s the derivative of Amazon?
Amazon Prime.
45. What are the biggest enemies of caterpillars?
Dogerpillers.
46. The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
47. What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A little hoarse.
48. Which school supply is king?
The ruler.
49. What do you get a man with the heart of a lion?
A lifetime ban from the zoo.
50. What’s the loudest kind of pet you can get?
A trumpet.
51. Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
52. What kind of tea is hardest to swallow?
Reality.
53. How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
54. What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
55. What do you call Samsung’s security team?
The Guardians of the Galaxy.
56. What do hillbillies drink from?
Hiccups.
57. Which knight invented King Arthur’s Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
58. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up?
Because it was too tired.
59. How did Ebenezer Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed.
60. What do you call someone who points out the obvious?
Someone who points out the obvious.
61. Did you hear the one about the three watering holes in the ground? Well, well, well…!
62. Why did the baby cookie cry?
Its mother was a wafer so long.
63. What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An investigator.
64. What happens when you witness a ship wreck?
You let it sink in.
65. Why are social media influencers afraid when they go to the woods alone at night?
They’re constantly being followed.
66. How much does the heaviest skeleton weigh?
A skeleton.
67. What do clouds wear under their shorts?
Thunderpants.
68. Where did the king keep his armies?
Up his sleevies.
69. When the two rabbit ears got married, it was a nice ceremony. But the reception was amazing.
70. Two guys walks into a bar. The third guy ducks.
71. Who invented the round table?
Sir Cumference.
72. How do you catch a bra?
With a booby trap.
73. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
74. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
75. Why did the melons have a big wedding?
Because they cantaloupe.
76. How do you think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg.
77. Why are colds bad criminals?
Because they’re easy to catch.
78. I’m only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
79. I just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
80. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9.
81. What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
82. What do you call a fish with two knees?
A tunee fish.
83. What do you call Batman if he skips church?
Christian Bale.
84. What do you give a sick bird?
Tweetment.
85. What did the socks say to the pants?
“‘Sup britches?!”
86. Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
Because he took a few days off.
87. What do you call a canine magician?
A labracadabrador.
88. When is a door not really a door?
When it’s really ajar.
89. What’s a foot’s favorite snack?
Dori-toes.
90. What kind of car does an egg drive?
A Yolkswagen.
91. What’s the action like at a circus?
In-tents.
92. Why did the businessman invest in Smith & Wollensky?
He wanted to stake his claim.
93. Who can jump higher than a house?
Pretty much anyone.
94. Did you hear about the beautiful wedding?
Even the cake was in tiers.
95. What do you call an empty can of Cheese Whiz?
Cheese Was.
96. What kind of dinosaur has the biggest vocabulary?
The thesaurus.
97. What’s the best part about Switzerland?
The flag is a big plus.
98. What did the animals tell Simba when he walked too slow?
Mufasa.
99. What’s the No. 1 cause of divorce?
Marriage.
100. Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife?
He needed his space.
101. Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
102. What did Eminem say when 50 Cent made him a sweater?
“Gee, you knit?”
103. Have you heard the joke about the bed? No?
That’s because it hasn’t been made yet.
104. What do you call a magician dog?
A labracadabrador.
105. What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
106. How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
107. Why don’t crabs donate?
Because they’re shellfish.
108. How do snails fight?
They slug it out.
109. Did you hear about the mediocre restaurant on the moon?
It has great food but no atmosphere.
110. Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
111. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it.
112. Which knight invented King Arthur’s Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
113. What did Eminem say when 50 Cent made him a sweater?
Gee, you knit?
114. What did one wall say to the other?
Meet me at the corner.
115. Wait, you don’t want to hear a joke about potassium?
K.
116. What’s green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
117. What was the mummy’s favorite type of music?
Wrap.
118. What do an apple and an orange have in common?
Neither one can drive.
119. What concert costs only 45 cents?
50 Cent and Nickelback.
120. Did you see the documentary about beavers?
It was the best dam show I ever saw.
121. Why did the toilet paper roll downhill?
To get to the bottom.
122. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
The P is silent.
123. Why do ghosts love elevators?
Because they lift their spirits.
124. A guy told me, “Nothing rhymes with orange.” So I replied, “No it doesn’t.”
125. I’m terrified of elevators so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
126. What do you call a belt made out of watches?
A waist of time.
127. What do you call a dangerous sun shower?
A rain of terror.
128. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
129. What’s the award for being the best dentist?
A plaque.
130. Why couldn’t the pirate sit down?
His booty got stolen.
131. What do you call a hippie’s wife?
A Mississippi.
132. How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
133. What did the teacher do with the student’s report on cheese?
She grated it.
134. What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?
“Dam!”
135. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
“Aye, matey!”
136. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
Frostbite.
137. What’s green and sings?
Elvis Parsley.
138. What did the buffalo say when his son left?
Bison.
139. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Fo’ drizzle.
140. The shovel was a truly groundbreaking invention.
141. What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?
“Dam!”
142. What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurt-y.
143. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
144. Where did the computer go dancing?
The disc-o.
145. Where do mansplainers get their water?
From a well, actually.
146. There are three types of people in the world. Those of us who are good at math and those of us who aren’t.
147. Why are groups of fish so smart?
Because they travel in schools.
148. Why do ghosts love elevators?
Because it lifts their spirits.
149. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
150. What’s brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones.
151. I want a job cleaning mirrors. It’s something I can really see myself doing.
152. What’s the No. 1 cause of divorce?
Marriage.
153. Why are groups of fish so smart?
They travel in schools.
154. What’s big, gray and doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant.
155. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
156. How do you organize a space-themed hurrah?
You planet.
157. I used to hate body hair, but then it grew on me.
158. How many bugs do you need to rent out an apartment?
Tenants.
159. I’m thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it’s only holding me back.
160. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener.
161. What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time.
162. What’s the best way to carve wood?
Whittle by whittle.
163. What’s the award for being the best dentist?
A plaque.
164. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s fine, he eventually woke up.
165. Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda pressing.
166. Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
167. How many ears do space aliens have?
Three: The left ear, right ear and the final front ear.
168. Why was the broom late for a meeting?
It overswept.
169. What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?
A polar bear.
170. When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
171. If you’re American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you’re in the bathroom?
European.
172. Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
173. What was the mummy’s favorite type of music?
Wrap.
174. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob.
175. Why did the teacher love the whiteboard?
She just thought it was remarkable.
176. What did the socks say to the pants?
“‘Sup britches?!”
177. Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
178. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eyed deer.
179. What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?
“It’s not you, it’s a-me!”
180. What kind of music do windmills like?
They’re big metal fans.
181. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
They’re so good at it.
182. What did the drummer call his two twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two.
183. What did the thumb say to the finger?
“I’m in glove with you.”
184. Why are colds bad criminals?
They’re easy to catch.
185. I have the world’s worst thesaurus. Not only is it terrible, it’s also terrible.
186. The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
187. What did the grape do when it got stomped on?
It let out a little wine.
188. What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi Cliff.
189. What can you do if you’re scared of elevators?
Take steps to avoid them.
190. What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?
“Wasa-B!”
191. What’s the award for being best dentist?
A little plaque.
192. What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast.
193. What did the lawyer wear to court?
A lawsuit.
194. What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
Graaaaaaaains.
195. What concert is worth just 45 cents?
50 Cent and Nickelback.
196. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it’d be a foot.
197. Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
198. Why did Cinderella get kicked off of the soccer team?
She kept running from the ball.
199. What’s big, gray and doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant.
200. What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
Cashew.
201. There are three types of people in this world: People who are good at math and people who are not.
202. What grades did the pirate get on his report card?
Seven Cs.
203. What’s brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones.
204. What kinds of pictures do hermit crabs take?
Shellfies.
205. What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung?
The guardians of the Galaxy.
206. What did the thumb say to the finger?
“I’m in glove with you.”
207. What do you call HIJKLMNO?
H20.
208. What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?
Well, now, all of them.
209. What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
210. Have you heard the joke about the bed? No?
That’s because it hasn’t been made yet.
211. How can you find Will Smith in the snow?
Follow the fresh prints.
212. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener.
213. Why did the baby cookie cry?
Because its mother was a wafer so long.
214. What do you call someone else’s cheese?
Nacho cheese.
215. What do bees do if they need a ride?
Wait at the buzz stop.
216. What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but its flag is a big plus.
217. Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.
218. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
Read More
