Cracking Dark jokes is a great way to make people laugh or even shock them with the unexpectedness of it all.
Sharing these kinds of jokes is often controversial and can be seen as offensive, but if used in the right context, it can provide some much-needed fun and humour. Like it helps to cope with difficult situations by providing a sense of relief from the stress we experience daily.
Here we’ve compiled the list of best Dark Jokes. They are both unexpected and satisfying without worrying about being judged or offending anyone. So scroll down and see what we’ve got you covered.
Dark Jokes
1. I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
2. Lovely saying. Terrible way to find out you’re adopted.
3. Sex is like air. It only matters if you aren’t getting any.
4. What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat cancer.
5. What do you do if you’re ever attacked by a gang of clowns? Go for the juggler.
6. What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas?
No idea. She hasn’t opened her present yet.
7. What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny car.
8. What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.
9. I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
10. What did the cow say to the leather chair? Hi, Mom.”
11. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
12. Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
13. My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
14. What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.
15. What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 miles per hour? Its butt.
16. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
17. I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
18. Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
19. What do you call it when every one of your friends makes too many dumb COVID jokes? A pundemic.
20. I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
21. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
22. I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
23. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
24. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
25. What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
26. My daughter asked me how stars die. “Usually an overdose,” I told her.
27. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
28. I was about to run and tell my wife, when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden.
29. The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
30. I childproofed my house. Somehow they still got in.
31. Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.
32. If you think I would joke about Alzheimer’s, forget it.
33. What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into a tiny car.
34. The cemetery is so crowded. People are just dying to get in.
35. I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.
36. My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
37. What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.
38. I’ve stopped making jokes about Covid to my brother. They flu over his head.
39. I hope Death is a woman. That way it will never look at me twice.
40. The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
41. You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
42. What’s the difference between a dinosaur and a lump of coal? Sixty million years.
43. I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
44. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
45. Never break someone’s heart. They only have one. Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.
46. The cemetery is so overcrowded. People are just dying to get in.
47. My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic.
48. Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
49. Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face-off in the corner.
50. Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
51. My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
52. I know a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
53. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
54. Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.
55. Why do vampires seem sick? They’re always coffin.
56. I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.
57. Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
58. When I was in the grocery store, I tripped, and a woman saw.
I turned to her and said, “Sorry, it’s been a while since I possessed a body.
59. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
60. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
61. Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick.
62. The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
63. Siri, why am I still single? Siri activates front camera.
64. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
65. Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
66. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
67. My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
68. I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
69. You’re not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.
70. My wife of 60 years told me, “Let’s go upstairs and make love.”
I just sighed and said, “Choose one, I can’t do both.”
71. I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you still holding the ladder?
72. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
73. What’s the difference between a hipster and a football player? A football player showers.
74. I childproofed my house.Somehow they still got in.
75. What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
76. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
77. My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine.
78. What rhymes with “boo” and stinks? You.
79. Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
80. Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.
81. I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
82. They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.
83. The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
84. What did the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs say?
T. rex, I’m coming for my hug.
85. What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteer’s funeral?
Not a word.
86. My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
87. I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
88. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
89. I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
90. Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body.
91. Just say NO to drugs. Well, If I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
92. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
93. I read a book about an immortal dog. It was impossible to put down.
94. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
95. I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
96. When my uncle Frank died, he needed his ashes to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His final wish was to be Frank in Stein.
97. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
98. I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99 percent of you will never get it.
99. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
100. How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
101. My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
102. If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
103. Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.
104. My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.
105. Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
106. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
107. I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
108. I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
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