83 Harry Potter Jokes That Are Magically Hilarious

We all love Harry Potter, and it’s not uncommon to find people who are obsessed with the franchise. Whether it’s a funny meme or an off-the-cuff remark, Harry Potter jokes are everywhere for everyone when it comes to clever quips  – and that’s why people love to share them.

Not only do these jokes bring people together, but they also remind us of our favourite characters and moments from the books and movies. And that can be a big reason why they have been a source of laughter and entertainment worldwide.

Whether it’s an inside joke between friends or an icebreaker to start a conversation, Here are Harry Potter Jokes that are perfect to share a common love for this magical world. So scroll down and see what we’ve got you covered.

Harry Potter Jokes

1. What’s a wizard’s favourite kind of cereal?

Huffle Puffs.

2. Ron lives a long, happy life and then dies. What does he reincarnate as?

A neuron.

3. What does Harry Potter have that The Dark Lord doesn’t?

A nose.

4. How does Ron enter his room?

Through the Gryffindor.

5. What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn’t?

A nose.

6. Are you a Dementor?

You just took my breath away.

7. What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?


8. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

He who must not be named.

He who must not be named who?

I can’t say who, that’s the whole point.

9. What is Harry’s favorite mood?


10. What was Mad-Eye-Moody’s disadvantage as a teacher?

He could control his pupils.

11. Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to Facebook?

Because he only has followers, not friends.

12. Why was Harry Potter sent to Dumbledore’s office?

He was cursing in class.

13. What do you call a Hufflepuff with one brain cell?


14. Why did Snape hate herbology?

Because his lily died.

15. What did Hermione do when Harry and Ron took the flying car to school?

Finally relaxed.

16. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

You know.

You know who?

Exactly! Avada kedavra.

17. Why did Harry Potter cross the road?

No reason. But we’re sure someone will still write fan-fiction about it.

18. How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?

Just one. She puts her wand in and the cauldron revolves around her.

19. Do you know anyone who could teach me to play Quiddich?

I’m sure Oliver Wood.

20. What did The Dark Lord envy from Harry?

His nose.

21. What is a wizard’s favorite drink?

Espresso Patronum.

22. How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?

Just one. He puts his wand in the cauldron and the world revolves around him.

23. How do the Malfoy’s enter the room?

They Slytherin.

24. Do you like Harry Potter?

Because I a-Dumbledore you.

25. How do you get a mythical creature into your house?

Through the Gryffindor.

26. Why is black your favorite color?

Because it’s Sirius.

27. What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?

A comma is a pause at the end of a clause, and Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws.

28. What did Harry say to Hermione when she lent him a galleon?

Thanks for the gold kind, Granger.

29. Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Dumbledore who?

This dumb o’l door won’t open, please let me in.

30. What band would be Bellatrix in if she was a musician?


31. What program do you use to edit your photos?

A Dobby Photoshop.

32. How do you enter a magical gym?

Through a Dumbbell door.

33. What do you call a postal carrier who can speak to packages?

A parcel tongue.

34. How would you get a magical creature in your house?

Through the Gryffin-door.

35. What do you call two Quidditch players who share a dorm?


36. How does Malfoy get in his bed?

He slithers in.

37. Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Harry who?

Harry up it’s getting cold out here.

38. What does Harry say when he is angry?

Godric dammit.

39. Why did Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road?

So you’ll never know which side he’s on.

40. Why does Neville always use two bathroom stalls?

Because he has a Longbottom.

41. What do you call a Potterhead on a horse?

Harry Trotter.

42. Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Who who?

Hedwig flies away.

43. Hows does Voldemort enter a room?

He slithers in.

44. How do they call thugs in Hogwarts?


45. What do you call a house-elf in a hotel?

A Dobby in a lobby.

46. Where can you find Dumbledore’s Army?

Up his sleevy.

47. What does Voldemort wear at home?


48. How much did you pay to watch a Harry Potter movie?

A quid each.

49. What did Ron say when he kissed Hermione?

Your parents may be muggles, but that kiss was magical.

50. How do the Malfoys enter a building?

They Slytherin.

51. What do witches say when they are rumoring?

Spell the tea.

52. Why did Snape cross the road twice?

He’s a double crosser.

53. What kind of shoes does Harry Potter hate the most?


54. What does Hermione say to Ron when they plan to go out?

Don’t worry, owl be there.

55. Why was everyone scared of Sirius?

Because of Black magic.

56. Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?

Nobody nose.

57. What does Molly say to her children?

Don’t be a-Fred in school.

58. What do you call the entrance to a magical gym?

A dumbbell door.

59. Snape: The Dark Lord Voldemort is coming.

60. I love Harry Potter movies. Me too, I a-dumbledore them.

61. What do you call two Quiddich players that share a dorm?


62. How do wizards read PDFs?

With a Dobby.

63. What social media channel did Slytherins use?


64. Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad teacher?

Because he can’t control his pupils.

65. Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

You know?



66. Why doesn’t snape teach herbology?

Because his lily died.

67. How does Voldemort know Nagini likes him?

She gives him hugs and hisses.

68. What happens when Hermione is around?

Granger things.

69. What do you call a wizard with his hand in a thestral’s mouth?

A mechanic.

70. How do you call Bellatrix’s mood?

A resting witch face.

71. Which side of a centaur has more hair?

With Dementos.

72. How do Death Eaters freshen their breath?

The outside.

73. What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord?


74. Why did you put so much ginger on the soup?

Because it’s a Weasley.

75. Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter over Facebook?

Because he has only followers, not friends.

76. What did Voldemort tell to Snape?

Why so Sirus?

77. How many Purebloods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

What’s a lightbulb?.

78. How is the Battle for Hogwarts like a Black Friday sale?

Weasley twins are 50 percent off.

79. How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?

With quit-itch.

80. What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?

Why so Sirius?

81. Why did Ron ask Hagrid for an autograph?

Because he is a giant fan.

82. Why was Harry hesitant to fight Voldemort?

There are Severus factors to consider.

83. What do you call a bearded man who survives?

Hairy Potter.

Read More

Must Read

Related Articles