119 Funny One-liners Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Hard

One-liner jokes are the perfect way to break the ice in social situations, or just provide a quick laugh when you need one. They are becoming popular because they are quick and easy to understand, and their brevity makes them easier to remember, which can be a big reason for their popularity.

Here we’ve compiled the list of best One-liners Jokes that are quick and easy ways to make someone laugh. So scroll down and see what we’ve got you covered.

Best One-Liner Jokes

1. People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

2. What do you call a mobster who’s buried in cement? A hardened criminal.

3. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.

4. The New York Jets cocktail? Drink two of them and you’ll forget what your Namath.

5. My IQ test results came back. They were negative.

6. You can’t believe everything you hear—but you can repeat it.

7. I wasn’t that hungry, so I just ate a kid’s meal at McDonalds. His mother was furious.

8. Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.

9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

10. Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

11. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

12. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.

13. I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them.

14. There’s a lot to be said in his favor, but it’s not nearly as interesting.

15. A told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

16. When everything is coming your way — you’re in the wrong lane.

17. When he talks, it isn’t a conversation. It’s a filibuster.

18. The kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground? It was a knot-for-profit.

19. If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

20. My friend was explaining electricity to me, but I was like, ‘Watt?’&

21. What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal? A polar bear.

22. A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing and mean your mother.

23. Two wifi engineers got married. The reception was fantastic.

24. The salamander who went to Hollywood to make newt movies?

25. When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

Funny One-Liner Jokes

26. What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.

27. I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.

28. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.

29. Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

30. The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it’s still on the list.

31. Russian dolls are so full of themselves.

32. When the cannibal showed up late to the buffet, they gave him the cold shoulder.

33. What do you call a dead magician? An abra-cadaver.

34. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

35. Keep the dream alive — hit your snooze button.

36. I didn’t like my beard at first, but it grew on me.

37. The cat who ate a ball of yarn? She had mittens.

38. The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP.

39. I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. I spilled the beans.

40. I always knock on the fridge door before opening it, just in case there’s a salad dressing.

41. You do realize that vampires aren’t real. Unless you Count Dracula.

42. How does the man in the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it.

43. I threw a boomerang a couple years ago; I know live in constant fear.

44. What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted.

45. One of the oddities of Wall Street is that the dealer, not the customer, is the broker.

46. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got amputated? He’s all right now.

47. Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.

48. R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.

49. What do you call a paper airplane that can’t fly? Stationary.

50. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

51. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.

52. A baseball walks into a bar, and the bartender throws it out.

53. I had an “hourglass” figure, but then the sand shifted.

54. A termite walks into the bar and asks, ‘Is the bar tender here?

55. What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Dam.

56. One of the cows didn’t produce milk today. It was an udder failure.

57. How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints.

58. Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.

59. I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.

Clever One-Liners

60. ‘I have a split personality,’ said Tom, being Frank.

61. What do you call a bundle of hay in a church? Christian Bale.

62. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.

63. Never trust atoms; they make up everything.

64. The crustacean accused of promoting his own shellfish interests?

65. Refusing to go to the gym is a form of resistance training.

66. 30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

67. If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

68. What do you need in order to make a small fortune on Wall Street? A large fortune.

69. What happens to an illegally parked frog? It gets toad away.

70. The future, the present, and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

71. I was riding a donkey the other day when someone threw a rock at me and I fell off. I guess I was stoned off my ass.

72. Blunt pencils are really pointless.

73. I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

74. The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.

75. My math teacher called me average. She’s so mean.

76. I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. He’s a small arms dealer.

77. Geology rocks, but geography’s where it’s at.

78. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up literally everything.

79. Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?

80. I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected.

81. What does a CIA agent do when it’s time for bed? He goes under cover.

82. Whiteboards are remarkable.

83. At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?

84. Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.

85. I put my grandma on speed dial the other day. I call it insta-gram.

86. What’s a frog’s favorite type of shoes? Open toad sandals.

87. It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

88. A rich man is 0ne who isn’t afraid to ask the clerk to show him something cheaper.

89. A blind man walked into a bar… and a table… and a chair.

Hilarious One-liners

90. Well, to be Frank with you, I’d have to change my name.

91. The man who created autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

92. I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.

93. The rotation of Earth really makes my day.

94. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling.

95. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

96. PMS jokes are not funny — period.

97. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

98. The nurse who was chewed out by the doctor because she was absent without gauze.

99. Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

100. I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.

101. I went to a seafood disco last week, but ended up pulling a mussel.

102. Don’t spell part backward. It’s a trap.

103. People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

104. She leaves me with the feeling that when we bury the hatchet she’ll mark the exact spot.

105. I doubt, therefore, I might be.

106. My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

107. A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks, ‘Is this stool taken?

108. It sure takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

109. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.

110. Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it.

111. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs — they’re always taking things literally.

112. Give me the calculator. Friends don’t let friends derive drunk.

113. What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? Does this taste funny to you?

114. The cow that ate bluegrass and mooed indigo?

115. If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages?

116. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

117. I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

118. My wife gave me an ultimatum: Her or my addiction to sweets. The decision was a piece of cake.

119. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.

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