1. “Be like a postage stamp; stick to one thing until you get there.” – Josh Billings
2. “Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try.” – Dr. Seuss
3. “I have to be successful because I like expensive things.” – Lisa Lieberman-Wang
4. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” – Homer Simpson
5. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
6. “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” – Vince Lombardi
7. “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” – Dorothy Parker
8. “Too often we visit the well of divine abundance with a teacup instead of a bucket.” – Elinor MacDonald
9. “You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.“ – Sam Levenson
10. “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” – William James
11. “When you’re riding, only the race in which you’re riding is important.” – Bill Shoemaker
12. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” – Jason Love
13. “Hustle until your haters ask if you’re hiring.” – Steve Maraboli
14. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra
15. “Girls have got balls. They’re just a little higher up, that’s all.” – Joan Jett
16. “If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap.” – Glen Buck
17. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” – Sarah Brown
18. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” – Edward Bergen
19. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead
20. “I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” – Will Rogers
21. “Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out.” – John Wooden
22. “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” – Mark Twain
23. “If you reach for a star, you might not get one. But you won’t come up with a hand full of mud either.” – Leo Burnett
24. “Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.” – Robert Brault
25. “When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’” —Sydney J. Harris
26. “In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins: cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later.” – Harold Geneen
27. “The reason so few people are successful is no one has yet found a way for someone to sit down and slide uphill.” – W. Clement Stone
28. “I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.” – Stephen Hawking
29. “If you hit the target every time it’s too near or too big.” – Tom Hirshfield
30. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz
31. “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” – Justin Sewell
32. “I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.”- Winston Churchill
33. “Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost.” – Martina Navratilova
34. “Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” – Mark Twain
35. “The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin
36. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde
37. “Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.” – Bill Murray
38. “If you fall, I’ll always be there.” – The Floor
39. “What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
40. “Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.” – Enid Blyton
41. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
42. “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
43. “The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall
44. “When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration.” – Robert Bresson
45. “Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.” – Katharine Whitehorn
46. “The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!” —Marvin Phillips
47. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” – Elvis Presley
48. “Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.” – David Ogilvy
49. “There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” - Kin Hubbard
50. “It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.” – Thomas Sowell
51. “Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.” – Salvador Dali
52. “Life only delivers to people that create their own postal code.” – Jelani Daniel
53. “You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.” – Sam Levenson
54. “You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.” – Solomon Schechter
55. “Complain a lot and people will hear you but not listen.” – Catherine Pulsifer
56. “Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” – Terry Pratchett
57. “I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!”– Tom Lehrer
58. “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.“ – Benjamin Dover
59. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Robert Bloch
60. “When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’” – Sydney Harris
61. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams
62. “When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.” – Theodore Roosevelt
63. “You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself.” – Ethel Barrymore
64. “Life is like a box of chocolates.” – Forrest Gump
65. “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” – Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes
66. “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.” – Samuel Goldwyn
67. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
68. “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” – Maureen Dowd
69. “If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself.” – Irish Proverbs
70. “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” – Frank Zappa
71. “I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.” – John Green
72. “When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best — that is inspiration.” – Robert Bresson
73. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry
74. “A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.” – Denis Waitley
75. “When everyone thinks alike, no one thinks very much.” – Walter Lippmann
76. “Good things come to those who initiate.” – Susan RoAne
77. “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
78. “The trouble with the rat-race is that, even if you win, you’re still a rat.” – Lily Tomlin
79. funny inspirational quotes
80. “Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.” – Andy Rooney
81. “Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.” – Charles J. Sykes
82. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley
83. The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm.” – Malcolm Forbes
84. “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown
85. “The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
86. “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein
87. “There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.” – Henry Kissinger
88. “Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.” – Voltaire
89. “Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.”
90. “There’s a little truth in all jive, and a little jive in all truth.” – Leonard Barnes
91. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde
92. “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade, and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” – Ron White
93. “When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade and then try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” – Ron White
94. “Life is a blank canvass, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can.” – Danny Kaye
95. “Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise, we’re going down the tube.” – Joan Rivers
96. “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.” – Robert Frost
97. “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is.” – Jeffrey Gitomer
98. “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” – Dale Carnegie
99. “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” – Franklin P. Jones
100. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” – Steven Wright
101. “You can’t experience simple joys when you’re living life with your hair on fire.” – Emily Ley
102. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright
103. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
104. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
105. “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” – Woody Allen
106. “Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
107. “When life puts you in a tough situation, don’t say ‘Why me?’, say ‘Try me’.” – Lisa Lieberman-Wang
108. “Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things.” – Bernard Sahlins
109. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
110. “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” – Robert Frost
111. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito.” – African proverb quoted by the Dalai Lama
112. “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” – Don Herold
113. “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” – Albert Einstein
114. “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin
115. “Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.” – Langston Coleman
116. “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” – Mark Twain
117. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”– Steven Wright
118. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” – Billy Wilder
119. “What is the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity? Our attitude toward it. Every opportunity has a difficult, and every difficulty has an opportunity.” – J. Sidlow Baxter
120. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
121. “My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you’re a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That’s the way to get an idea.” – Andy Rooney
122. “Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he’s supposed to be doing at that moment.” – Robert Benchley
123. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
124. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” – Reba McEntire
125. “The only place where your dreams become impossible is in your own thinking.” – Robert H Schuller
126. “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished – If you’re alive it isn’t.” – Richard Bach
127. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain
128. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers
129. “No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” – Groucho Marx
130. “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anaïs Nin
131. “Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” – Bob Hope
132. “Aspire to inspire before we expire.” – Eugene Bell Jr
133. The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” – Madeleine L’Engle
134. “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” – Henny Youngman
135. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” – George Carlin
136. “My favorite thing to do on this planet is to play games. And if you don’t enjoy games, then you’re really missing the point of what this life is.” – RuPaul
137. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller
138. “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me — they’re cramming for their final exam.” – George Carlin
139. “There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” – Amy Poehler
140. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand
141. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
142. “It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.” – Walt Disney
143. “Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.” – Francois de La Rochefoucauld
144. “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire
145. “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” —Charlie Brown
146. “Nothing in the world is ever completely wrong. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” – Paulo Coehlo
147. “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” – Louis Agassiz
148. “I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life.” – Karan Patel
149. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” – Albert Einstein
150. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” – Bryan White
151. “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ―Mae West
152. “I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.” – Mark Twain
153. “Today’s opportunities erase yesterday’s failures.” – Gene Brown
154. “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx
155. “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain
156. “There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” – Bill Watterson
157. “The mind is like a clock that is constantly running down. It has to be wound up daily with good thoughts.” – Fulton J. Sheen
158. “Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll laugh at you.”
159. “We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.” – W. H. Auden
160. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” – Marilyn Monroe
161. “I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.” – Yogi Berra
162. “Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.” – Og Mandino
163. “When life brings big winds of change that almost blow you over, close your eyes, hang on tight, and believe.” – Lisa Lieberman-Wang
164. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke
165. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer
166. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” – Phyllis Diller
167. “Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” – Terry Pratchett
168. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” – Les Dawson
169. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” – Graham Norton
170. “Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.” – Woody Allen
171. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” — Albert Einstein
172. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” – Claude MacDonald
173. “A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.” – Charles Gordy
174. “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”– Scott Adams
175. “Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer
176. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time.“ —Joe Girard
177. “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
178. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” – Mark Twain
179. “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ – Robert Downey Jr.
180. “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” – Mae West
181. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost
182. “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” – Daniel J. Boorstin
183. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
184. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” – Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias
185. “There are no traffic jams along the extra mile.” – Roger Staubach
186. “Cause your facial expression to change – smile.” – Catherine Pulsifer
187. If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool.” – Hippocrates
188. “When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” – Gracie Allen
189. “Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing ’til it gets there.” – Josh Billings
190. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.” – Lucille Ball
191. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” – Robin Williams
192. “Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” – Harry Emerson Fosdick
193. “Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” – George Carlin
194. “You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.” – Stephen King
195. “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin
196. “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.” – Erma Bombeck
197. “There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
198. “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” – Lisa Lieberman-Wang
199. “It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!”– Steven Weinberg
200. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite
201. “Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.” – Tom Stoppard
202. “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers
203. “Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path.” – Ellen DeGeneres
204. “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain
205. “I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.” – Samuel Goldwyn
206. “In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.” – Charles Schulz
207. “I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it.”
208. “See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly.” – George Harris
209. “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” – Sam Levenson
210. “To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy.” – Hippocrates
211. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
212. Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” – Isaac Asimov
213. “If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” – Phyllis Diller
214. “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” – Katharine Hepburn
215. “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw
216. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler
217. “A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” – Zig Ziglar
218. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
219. “Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
220. “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” – Truman Capote
221. “People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” – Will Rogers
222. “Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.” – Tina Fey
Read More
