53 Inspirational Talladega Nights Quotes On Success

1. “Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces… newborn infant Jesus, don’t even know a word yet.” ~ Ricky Bobby

2. “I’m not sure what to do with my hands.” ~ Ricky Bobby

3. “Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said…’I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.” ~ Ricky Bobby

4. “Aaaaah, Ricky Bobby! Now we shall dance. And yes, it will be a slow jam.” ~ Jean Girard

5. “Chip, I’m gonna come at you like a spider-monkey!” ~ Texas Ranger

6. “It won the Academy Award… Best movie ever made.” ~ Ricky Bobby

7. “I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There’s no shame in that.” ~ Cal Naughton, Jr.

8. “What is that, a catchphrase or is that epilepsy?” — Jean Girard

9. “Why, if it isn’t our mangy, transient grandfather.” ~ Texas Ranger

10. “No one lives forever, no one. But with advances in modern science and my high-level income, it’s not crazy to think I can live to be 245, maybe 300.” ~ Ricky Bobby

11. “I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.” ~ Cal Naughton, Jr.

12. “We keep it on there for profiling purposes! We’ve also got The Pet Shop Boys and Seal.” ~ Bartender

13. “From now on, it’s Magic Man and El Diablo.” ~ Ricky Bobby

14. “I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I’m here to party.” ~ Cal Naughton, Jr.

15. “Girard is sitting on the pole, which is a statement of fact And in no way a comment on his sexual orientation.” ~ PA Announcer

16. “Chew big red, or get out of my face motherf*cker.” ~ Ricky Bobby

17. “This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.” ~ Ricky Bobby

18. “Dear Lord Baby Jesus, or as our brothers to the south call you, Jesús, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino’s, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family, my two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, or T.R. as we call him, and of course, my red-hot smoking wife, Carly who is a stone-cold fox.” ~ Ricky Bobby

19. “When you work on your mysterious lady parts and stuff, you need the right tools too. That’s why you should use [is tossed a box of tampons] Maypax. The official tampon of NASCAR.” ~ Ricky Bobby

20. “One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!” ~ Texas Ranger

21. “Hang on, Baby Jesus, this is gon’ get bumpy!” ~ Ricky Bobby

22. “I came here to tell you one thing: come race time tomorrow, I’m coming for you.” ~ Ricky Bobby

23. “You can’t have two No. 1s.” ~ Ricky Bobby

24. “I’m just a big hairy American winning machine, you know?” – Ricky Bobby

25. “You don’t understand. You don’t understand because you don’t understand liberty. You don’t understand freedom. So, you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?” ~ Ricky Bobby

26. “Old man, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!” ~ Texas Ranger

27. “I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt, cause it says, like, I want to be formal but I want to party too. Cause I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.” ~ Cal Naughton Jr.

28. “We go together like cocaine and waffles.” ~ Cal Naughton Jr.

29. “I spread my butt cheeks as Mike Honcho.” ~ Cal Naughton Jr.

30. “You gotta learn to drive with the fear, and there ain’t nothing more God damn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car.” ~ Reese Bobby

31. “No, I don’t know what that means, I guess longer lives.” ~ Lucius Washington

32. “Like the frightened baby chipmunk, you are scared by anything that is different.” ~ Jean Girard

33. “I’m all jacked up on mountain dew!” ~ Texas Ranger

34. “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” ~ Ricky Bobby

35. “I don’t know what to do with my hands.” ~ Ricky Bobby

36. “May God be with you, Monsieur Bobby. Because although today I am friendly. Tomorrow will be war!” ~ Jean Girard

37. “Wow. I feel like I’m in Highlander!” ~ Ricky Bobby

38. “I hope that both of you have sons… Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons, who are talented and star athletes and they have their legs taken away. I mean I pray you know that pain and that hurt.” ~ Ricky Bobby

39. “Shake and bake!” ~ Cal Naughton Jr.

40. “Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby!” ~ Lucius Washington

41. “Did that blow your mind? Because that just happened!” ~ Ricky Bobby

42. “Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.” ~ Ricky Bobby

43. “I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip’s war medals off the bridge.” ~ Walker

44. “You’ve gotta cross over the anger bridge and come back to the friendship shore.” ~ Cal Naughton Jr.

45. “Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me! Help me Oprah Winfrey!” ~ Ricky Bobby

46. “Ricky, remember: The field mouse is fast, but the owl sees at night.” ~ Chip

47. “Daddy, you made that grace your b*tch.” ~ Walker Bobby

48. “Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?” – Jean Girard

49. “You better shut the hell up or I’ll come over there and rip a hole in that tent!” ~ Texas Ranger

50. “From now on, you’re the Magic Man and I’m El Diablo.” ~ Ricky Bobby

51. “There’s nothing more frightening than driving with a live goddamn cougar next to you.”

52. “Hey, shut up you little pot-licker, I’ll stick you in a microwave!” ~ Reese Bobby

53. “Well, let me give you a saying from Colonel Sanders. I am too drunk to taste this chicken.” ~ Ricky Bobby

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