1. “Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled ‘rape’ at the top of your lungs.” ― Nancy
2. “I’m not great at this Hallmark stuff, but Brennan, when I look at you now, I don’t want to kick you in the head quite as much.” — Derek
3. “Why are you so sweaty?” ― Dale“I was watching Cops.” ― Brennan
4. “I know that you are technically married now, but that does not mean that they have to live here.” ― Dale
5. “You know what gets my dick hard? Helping out my friends.” — Derek
6. “One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.” — Dale Doback
7. “Don’t lose your dinosaur.” — Robert Doback
8. “Maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” — Brennan Huff
9. “You don’t even look good when you’re singing.” ― Derek
10. “Gotta have my boats and hoes!” — Dale Doback
11. “That’s so funny the last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.” ― Dale
12. “You better not go to sleep. As soon as your eyes shut, I’m gonna punch you square in the face.” ― Brennan
13. “I feel like a lightning bolt hit the tip of my penis!” ― Brennan
14. “What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?” — Brennan
15. “I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my vagina.” ― Alice
16. “Get out of my face, or I’m gonna roundhouse your ass.” — Brennan Huff
17. “Dad, what are you doing? It’s ‘Shark Week’!” ― Dale
18. “Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” — Brennan
19. “That’s so funny the last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.” ― Dale
20. “Dane Cook, pay–per–view, 20 minutes, let’s go!” ― Derek
21. “Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” — Dale Doback
22. “I’m not great at this Hallmark stuff, but Brennan, when I look at you now, I don’t want to kick you in the head quite as much.” ― Derek
23. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!” — Brennan Huff
24. “On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.” — Dale Doback
25. “I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I’m smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes, I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and… I just figure it out.” — Dale Doback
26. “I traveled 500 miles to give you my seed!” ― lumberjack Brennan
27. “I’m going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!” ― Brennan
28. “Do you wanna go do karate in the garage?” — Brennan
29. “No way, Kemosabe. This is my house now.” — Brennan
30. “This is going to sound weird, but for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.” ― Dale
31. “We sail around the world and go port to port / Every time I come I produce a quart“ — Prestige Worldwide,“Boats ‘n’ Hos“
32. “I still hate you, but you have a pretty good collection of nudie magazines.” ― Brennan
33. “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.” — Dale Doback
34. “Did we just become best friends?” — Brennan Huff
35. “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. Brennan I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” ― Dale
36. “You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.” — Brennan Huff
37. “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.” — Dale Doback
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