Top 41 Funny Dog Quotes To Tickle Your Fur Bone

1. “To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.” ― Aldous Huxley

2. “What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job!” ― George Carlin

3. “No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.”— Christopher Morley

4. “I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that dogs think humans are nuts.” —John Steinbeck

5. “Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.” ― Unknown

6. “If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.” ― Phil Pastoret

7. “I don’t think twice about picking up my dog’s poop, but if another dog’s poop is next to it, I think, ‘Eww, dog poop!” ― Jonah Goldberg

8. “Choosing a dog may be the only chance you get to pick a relative.” ― Unknown

9. “My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.” ― Joe Weinstein

10. “Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mail man is not to be trusted.” ― Sian Ford

11. “Reason number 106 why dogs are smarter than humans: once you leave the litter, you sever contact with your mothers.” ― Jodi Picoult

12. “Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.” ― John Grogan

13. “You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’ ” — Dave Barry

14. “If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wears a tail.” ― Fran Lebowitz

15. “As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.” ― Jean Ferris

16. “Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like, never washed a dog.” ― Franklin P. Jones

17. “A lot of shelter dogs are mutts like me.” ― Barack Obama

18. “It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.” ― Jay London

19. “A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well – almost.” ― Charlotte Gray

20. “No home decor is complete without dog hair.” ― Unknown

21. “Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” ― Ann Landers

22. “A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” ― Robert Benchley

23. “I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother.” —Bonnie Schacter

24. “In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.” ― Edward Hoagland

25. “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” ― Groucho Marx

26. “My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!” ― Greg Curtis

27. “The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s.” ― Mark Twain

28. “Dogs do speak but only to those who know how to listen.” ― Orhan Pamuk

29. “Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!” — Anne Tyler

30. “A well trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.” ― Helen Thomson

31. “Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.” ― Elizabeth Taylor

32. “There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” ― Bernard Williams

33. “If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” ― Will Rogers

34. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” ― Andy Rooney

35. “Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.” ― Sue Murphy

36. “When an 85 pound mammal licks your tears away, and then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.” ― Kristan Higgins

37. “Dogs are like potato chips. You can’t have just one.” ― Unknown

38. “Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.” ― Unknown

39. “Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.” ― Franklin P. Jones

40. “Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window.” ― Steve Bluestone

41. “In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.” ― Derek Bruce

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