1. “There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” ― Erma Bombeck
2. “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” ― Erma Bombeck
3. “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” ― Erma Bombeck
4. “Raising a family wasn’t something I put on my resumé, but I have to ask myself, would I apply for the same job again? – Erma Bombeck
5. “Never accept a drink from a urologist.” – Erma Bombeck
6. “It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.” ― Erma Bombeck
7. “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.” ― Erma Bombeck
8. “There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.” ― Erma Bombeck
9. “You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren’t dying. They’re merging into big conglomerates – Erma Bombeck
10. “When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.” ― Erma Bombeck
11. “Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they’re not trying to keep up with you.” ― Erma Bombeck
12. “Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.” ― Erma Bombeck
13. “The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.” ― Erma Bombeck
14. “It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.” ― Erma Bombeck
15. “It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.” ― Erma Bombeck
16. “Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.” ― Erma Bombeck
17. “All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.” ― Erma Bombeck
18. “In two decades I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.” ― Erma Bombeck
19. “There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” ― Erma Bombeck
20. “There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, “Yes, I’ve got dreams, of course I’ve got dreams.” Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they’re still there.” ― Erma Bombeck
21. “Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It’s literary suicide.” ― Erma Bombeck
22. “If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.” ― Erma Bombeck
23. “Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.” ― Erma Bombeck
24. “No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there’s a wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.” ― Erma Bombeck
25. “I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.” ― Erma Bombeck
