100 Dirty Jokes That Are Enough to Make Your Eyes Cover

Dirty jokes are often seen as taboo, which makes them even more attractive to share. They also challenge our moral boundaries and make us think about things that we wouldn’t normally consider. While these jokes may be funny to some people, they can also make others feel uncomfortable or even offended, as they often contain language that is considered offensive or inappropriate.

We live in a society where it is often considered inappropriate to express our raunchy sense of humour. But why should we apologize for it? We all know that humor can be a great way to make people laugh. And it’s an important part of life, and our raunchy sense of humour can be just as valuable, if not more so, than other forms of humour.

We should embrace it and use it in a positive way, as long as we don’t hurt anyone in the process. Therefore, here we have a list of the best Dirty Jokes that will give you a  sense of relief from stress and make you cover your eyes.

Best Dirty Jokes

1. Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

2. What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

3. Why do women have orgasms?

Just another reason to moan, really.

4. How is life like toilet paper?

You’re either on a roll or taking s*** from someone.

5. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

“If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”

6. What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?

A tearjerker.

7. What’s the best waterslide for kids?

Your throat.

8. What did the hooker’s right knee say to her left knee?

We should get together more often.

9. What do you do if your partner starts smoking?

Slow down and possibly use some lubricant.

10. What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you shaking?

She’s gonna eat me.

11. What do you do when a woman’s choking?

Back up a few inches.

12. What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

13. What’s the best part about gardening?

Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

14. Why do women talk so much and why do guys think so much?

Because one has two lips and one has two heads.

15. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

16. What’s white and 14 inches long?


17. What stays moist when you tie up its legs?

A turkey.

18. How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

19. What’s a lesbian’s love language?

Speaking in tongue.

20. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?

Beef strokin’ off.

21. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

Because they won’t stop to ask directions.

22. What do you call someone with a small penis?


23. “I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,” the woman told her dentist. He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”.

24. Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

25. Why did God give men penises?

So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.

26. Are you a coconut?

I want to smash you until all the white stuff comes out.

27. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

28. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say to clients as they’re leaving?

Thanks for coming.

29. A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

30. What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip-off.

31. “Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

32. What comes after 69?


33. What belongs to used but gets used by everyone else more than you?

Your name.

34. What’s the difference between you and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

35. Want to know a proven way a man and woman can be friends without s3x?


36. What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?

The Head nurse.

37. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

Because his right hand caught on fire.

38. What is Moby Dick’s father’s name?

Papa Boner.

39. What’s long and hard and full of seamen?

A submarine.

40. What do you do when your cat’s dead?

Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.

41. A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, “Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?

“The boyfriend says, “Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.”

42. What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name?

Papa Boner.

43. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?

“I want you inside me.”.

44. Why do vegetarians give good head?

Beause they’re used to eating nuts.

45. If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

46. Every man has one. It feels great when you blow it and if you’re not careful, it may drip. What is it?

A nose.

47. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick?

The man.

48. What are the 2 most important holes in a woman’s body?

Her nostrils.

49. What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you stick the cucumber.

50. What do you call two jalepeños getting it on?

F**king hot.

51. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?


52. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

53. Want to know how to fit 71 people in the car?

2 in the front while we handle 69 in the back.

54. What’s the difference between me/you and a mosquito?

A mosquito will stop sucking once you slap it.

55. What goes in hard and comes out soft and wet?

Chewing gum.

56. What is 6 inches and leave white stuff all over your face?

A toothbrush.

Funny Dirty Jokes

57. If a little person says your hair smells nice. Is that s3xual harassment?.

58. What’s a woman’s favorite thing to put in her mouth?

Top Ramen.

59. What did the penis say to the vagina?

Don’t make me come in there.

60. Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn’t close his casket.

61. What do a boyfriend and a spider have in common?

Women always exaggerate how big it is.

62. Why does a woman prefer an old gynecologist over a new one?

Because the old one has shaky hands.

63. Why don’t witches wear underwear?

Because they need a better grip.

64. Know what a 69 is?

Another good thing screwed up by a period.

65. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?

“Thanks for coming.”

66. What’s another name for a vagina?

The box a penis comes in.

67. A dad tells his son “Stop masturbating! if you do it too long you will go blind.

The son replied “Dad, I’m over here.

68. What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without kids.

69. Why does a mermaid wear seashells?

Because she outgrew her B-shells.

70. What’s long and hard and full of semen?

A submarine.

71. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

72. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

He only comes once a year.

73. What do you call a guy with a giant dick?


74. A woman walks out of the produce section with bad news. She changed the cucumber into a pickle.

75. How do you make a pool table laugh?

Tickle its balls.

76. How is life like a penis?

Your girlfriend makes it hard.

77. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

78. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

79. How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

80. How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

81. What do you get if you cross an owl and a rooster?

A cock that stays up all night.

82. What has 148 teeth and holding back a monster?

My zipper.

83. What do you do when you’re a man trapped in a woman’s body?

You pull out.

84. What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

85. Why are women like Popeye’s?

Because once you’re done with the breast and thighs all you have is an empty box to put your bone-in.

86. Want to hear a joke about my penis?

Nevermind. It’s too long.

87. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?

A private tutor.

88. What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.

89. What does a robot do after a one-night stand?

Nuts and bolts.

90. Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.

91. What’s still together after all the sh*t they’ve been through?

Your butt cheeks.

92. What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth?

A glad-he-ate-her.

93. Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

For fingering a minor.

94. What are 3 two letter words that mean small?

Is it in?.

95. What’s the difference between light and hard?

You can sleep with a light on.

96. What do a boyfriend/girlfriend and a math test have in common?

They’re both something we could cheat on.

97. What did one butt cheek say to the other?

Together we can stop this sh*t.

98. How is a girlfriend like a laxative?

They both irritate the shit out of you.

99. What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

100. They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?.

Read More

Must Read

Related Articles