57 Dirty Jokes for Him to Make Your Man Blush

Sexual jokes have long been a source of pleasure and entertainment for people. As it gives us a deeper kind of pleasure, this joke taps into something we all share – our desire for connection and intimacy.

Sharing dirty jokes with your boyfriend or spouse helps make your partner laugh and show them you have a playful side. These jokes do the magic to add spice to your relationship and bring you closer together. Not only will it make him crack up, but it will also help you bond over shared humour and create a deeper connection between you.

Here we’ve compiled the list of best Dirty Jokes for him that will bring the two of you closer together in a fun way without taking things too seriously. So scroll down and see what we’ve got you covered.

Dirty Jokes for Him

1. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

Ones a good year and the other is a great year.

2. When should condoms be used?

Every conceivable occasion.

3. What did the clitoris say to the vulva?

It’s all good in the hood.

4. What’s the difference between a microwave and a woman?

Men can push the microwaves buttons and still turn it on.

5. Roses are red. Violets are fine. You be the six. I’ll be the nine.

6. How much did you pay for those pants?

Because you can get them 100% off at my place.

7. What’s long and hard and full of semen?

A submarine.

8. Do you do carpeting?

Because I’m looking for a deep shag.

9. Are you a balloon?

Because I want to blow you.

10. Are you from China?

Cause I’m China get in those pants.

11. What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?

A trip without kids.

12. Do you like sales?

Because clothing is 100% off at my place.

13. What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me.

14. Why is sex like math?

You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

15. How is playing bridge similar to sex?

If you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

16. What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years your job will suck.

17. What did the penis say to the vagina?

Don’t make me come in there.

18. Your body is 70 percent water… and I’m thirsty.

19. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold onto your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.

20. Are you an elevator?

Because I wanna go up and down on you.

21. Do you have a switch?

Because I want to turn you on.

22. What’s the best part of gardening?

Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

23. Are you a campfire?

Because you’re hot and I want some more.

24. What’s the difference between your penis and your bonus cheque?

Someone will want to blow your bonus.

25. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?

Thanks for coming.

26. What’s long, hard, and full of semen?

A submarine.

27. I lost my keys… can I check your pants?

28. Is your name winter?

Because you’ll be coming soon.

29. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it we’re closed.

30. What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew the lightbulb.

31. I got mad at him for pulling out. I told him it was a dick move.

32. How do you make a pool table laugh?

Tickle its balls.

33. Is there a mirror in your pants?

Because I see myself in them.

34. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?


35. Why does Santa have a big sack?

He only comes once a year.

36. What do you call a guy who cries when pleasuring himself?

A tearjerker.

37. What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet?


38. Why did God give men penises?

So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.

39. What do you call cheap circumcision?

A rip-off.

40. What comes after 69?


41. I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?

42. What do you call a virgin laying in a waterbed?

Cherry float.

43. Are you an elevator?

Because I’ll go up and down on you.

44. Let’s play Titanic, you’ll be the iceberg and I’ll go down.

45. What’s the difference between “Ooh” and “Aah”?

About three inches.

46. ‘You’re cute’ has U in it, but ‘quickie’ has U and I together.

47. What do you get if you cross an owl and a rooster?

A cock that stays up all night.

48. I’m always on top of important things, would you like to be on the list?

49. How is life like a penis?

Your girlfriend makes it hard.

50. Is your name highway?

Because I want to ride you all night long.

51. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?

I want you inside me.

52. Why do vegetarians give good head?

They are used to eating just.

53. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

54. What’s the difference between anal and oral?

Oral makes your day anal makes your hole week.

55. I lost my virginity.

Can I have yours?

56. What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

The sex drive.

57. I love my bed, but I’d rather be in yours.

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