85 Dirty Jokes for Her That Will Make Her Blush

Despite what people may say, everyone enjoys laughing at a dirty joke. Therefore, sharing some naughty joke with your spouse or girlfriend can be a great way to show your affection to her. However, while it helps you to feel closer and more connected with her, it also makes her blush that she will need to cover her eyes.

Whether you’re trying to spice up a long-term relationship or just trying something new, dirty texting is sure to make her smile in a funny way. Not only does it make her feel closer to you, but it can also bring some lightheartedness and fun into your relationship.

Here we’ve compiled the list of best Dirty Jokes for Her that will help you break the ice and build a more intimate relationship with her. So scroll down and see what we’ve got you covered.

Dirty Jokes for Her

1. What do a woman and a bar have in common?

Liquor in the front, poker in the back.

2. What would you call a h00ker with her hand up her skirt?


3. What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?

The longer you play with it the harder it gets.

4. Let’s play carpenter! First, we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.

5. What did the penis say to the vagina?

Don’t make me cum in there.

6. Every man feels great when you blow it and if you’re not careful, it may drip. What is it?

A nose.

7. What’s the difference between you and the refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t moan when I put my meat in it.

8. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?


9. What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you stick the cucumber.

10. What did the clitoris say to the vulva?

It’s all good in the hood.

11. Roses are red. Violets are fine. You be the six. I’ll be the nine.

12. Are you an elevator?

Because I’ll go up and down on you.

13. What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?

A trip without kids.

14. What is 6 inches and leave white stuff all over your face?

A toothbrush.

15. Know what a 69 is?

Another good thing screwed up by a period.

16. I love my bed, but I’d rather be in yours.

17. What comes after 69?


18. It goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet. What is it?

A bubblegum.

19. I wish you were my big toe. Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house.

20. Are you a coconut?

I want to smash you until all the white stuff comes out.

21. Let only latex stand between our love.

22. How do people in a long-distance relationship get laid?

They have a sex drive.

23. Why don’t witches wear underwear?

Because they need a better grip.

24. What’s another name for a vagina?

The box a penis comes in.

25. What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married?

The wedding ring.

26. I’m not a weatherman, but you can expect a few more inches tonight.

27. How is sex like a game of bridge?

With a great hand, you don’t even need a partner.

28. What are the 2 most important holes in a woman’s body?

Her nostrils.

29. Do I have to sign for your package?

30. What did one butt cheek say to the other?

Together, we can stop this crap.

31. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?

I want you inside me.

32. Sex is like pizza, if you’re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you’re doing.

33. I’m not sure how I feel about masturbation, but on the one hand, it feels pretty great.

34. What do you call a guy with a small p*nis?


35. What do you call a person who doesn’t masturbate?

A liar.

36. I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?

37. Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

38. What do bridge and sex have in common?

If you don’t have a good partner, you better have a really good hand.

39. I lost my keys… can I check your pants?

40. What’s the best waterslide for kids?

Your throat.

41. Did you hear about the man who ejaculated without a penis?

He came out of nowhere.

42. Why did the d*ck go crazy?

Someone was messing with his head.

43. Why is sex like math?

You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

44. Sex is like a burrito… Don’t unwrap or that baby’s in your lap.

45. You’re so hot, my zipper is falling for you.

46. Whats 72?

69 with three people watching.

47. Masturbation always leads to sex. It’s a gateway tug.

48. Why did the sp*rm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

49. What does one boob say to the other boob?

If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.

50. What’s the difference between you and a mosquito?

A mosquito will stop sucking once you slap it.

51. They say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation with me?

52. Do you know bees that make milk?


53. Why do vegans give better head?

They’re used to eating nuts.

54. I tried phone sex once… But the holes were too small.

55. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry her.

56. How is a woman and a road alike?

They both got manh0les.

57. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used c0nd0ms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

58. I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?

59. When a dick and potato are crossed, what do you get?

A dictator.

60. First, we’ll get hammered. Then I’ll nail you.

61. What did the leper say to the sex worker?

Keep the tip.

62. What is furry and peeking out of your pajamas at night?

Your head.

63. What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

64. What did the p*nis say to the condom?

Cover me, I’m going in.

65. What are the three shortest words in the English language?

Is it in?.

66. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

67. Why is masturbation just like procrastination?

It’s all good until you realize you’re only screwing yourself.

68. Are you a trampoline?

Because I want to bounce on you.

69. Do you do carpeting?

Because I’m looking for a deep shag.

70. What is a long, wide thing that men carry hanging in front of it?


71. How do you spot a blind man on a n*de beach?

It’s not hard.

72. What has 148 teeth and holding back a monster?

My zipper.

73. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

Because his right hand caught on fire.

74. What’s the speed limit in bed?

It’s 68.

Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.

75. Hair on the top and hair on the bottom, in the middle a wet slit, what is it?

The eye.

76. How is sex like air?

It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

77. How do you make a pool table laugh?

Tickle its balls.

78. What does a horny frog say?

Rub it.

79. Do you need a carpenter?

Because I could nail you then hammer you.

80. What did the penis say to the vagina?

Don’t make me come in there.

81. I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.

82. Constipation is such a pain in the ass.

83. When should condoms be used?

Every conceivable occasion.

84. Your body is 70 percent water… and I’m thirsty.

85. What’s a horny pirate’s worst nightmare?

A sunken chest and no booty.

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