Top 23 Billy Madison Quotes That Everyone Should Read

Billy Madison is a 1995 American comedy film directed by Tamra Davis, written by Tim Herlihy and Adam Sandler, and starring Sandler as Billy Madison.

The movie Billy Madison follows the story of Billy Madison, a professional wrestler who has never lost a match and is celebrating his 30th birthday. His family visits him on his special day, and he tries to convince them that he has changed. As they do not believe him, he challenges them to a wrestling match, which turns out to be disastrous for Billy because of his lack of skill in this area.

Billy is challenged by a man who explains that due to an accident in the ring, he could not wrestle anymore and turned into the man’s father-in-law instead. The man’s wife then explains that her husband’s father would constantly challenge their guests with games or tricks to entertain them during parties without ever losing.

The film follows a man who must pretend to be his son for three days to win the right to inherit his father’s $300 million estates.

23 Billy Madison Quotes That Everyone Should Read

1. “It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around here.” ~ Billy Madison

2. “Hey kids, it’s me! I bet you thought that I was dead! But when I fell over I just broke my leg and got a hemorrhage in my head!” ~ Billy Madison

3. “If you’re going to stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.” ~ Juanita

4. “Couch. C-o-r- you going to the mall later?” ~ Billy Madison

5. “Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.” ~ Billy Madison

6. “Remember that spelling bee you won in the first grade? Rock: r-o-k?” ~ Brian Madison

7. “The part of the story I don’t like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn’t put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy’s gotta think, “You got a pet. You got a responsibility.” If your dog is lost you don’t look for an hour then call it quits.” ~ Billy Madison

8. “If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.”—Old Farm Lady

9. “When I graduated from first grade, all my dad did was tell me to get a job.”—Frank

10. “Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It’s the coolest. Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh, really, fool? Really.” ~ Billy Madison

11. “Don’t tell me my business, devil woman!” ~ Old Man Clemens

12. “Oh, Billy Billy boy. When are you gonna find whatever it is you’re looking for?” ~ Brian Madison

13. “Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay here. Stay as long as you can.” ~ Billy Madison

14. “No, I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? This girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I’m here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the Chlorophyll.” ~ Billy Madison

15. “Well, “sorry” doesn’t put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Karl?”—Eric

16. “Have some more sloppy Joes. I made ’em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like ’em sloppy.”—Lunch Lady

17. “Tallahoo-hoo. Sabadoo.” ~ Billy Madison

18. “No milk will ever be our milk.” ~ Veronica

19. “Chlorophyll? More like bore-ophyll.” ~ Billy Madison

20. “Feel those kicks? He’s gonna be a soccer player. He is. He iiii-iissss!” ~ Billy Madison

21. “I am the smartest man alive!” ~ Billy Madison

22. “Who the hell is it? What do you want? Judas Priest, Barabara, it’s one of those flaming bags again.” ~ Old Man Clemens

23. “You were brought up with every advantage, I bought you everything. Toys, cars, vacations, clothes…” – Brian Madison

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